關(guān)于養(yǎng)育孩子，沒(méi)人告訴你的是什么呢？

Richard Muller
People tell you but you don't believe it: how much you will love your children. Nobody can convince you that a new person, a complete stranger, one who didn't even exist just a year earlier, will trigger this sort of love. You may have searched years for a person you could marry, but now one is just given to you (well, that's the man's point of view) out of seemingly nowhere.

人們告訴你，但你不會(huì)相信：你會(huì)多么愛(ài)你的孩子。沒(méi)有人能說(shuō)服你，一個(gè)新人，一個(gè)完全陌生的人，一個(gè)一年前甚至還不存在的人，會(huì)引發(fā)這種愛(ài)。你可能花了多年時(shí)間尋找一個(gè)可以結(jié)婚的人，但現(xiàn)在一個(gè)孩子似乎憑空就給了你（嗯，這是男人的觀點(diǎn)）。

I fell in love with my first daughter as I was holding her at the hospital. My wife had some minor complications, and the nurse handed the baby to me. I looked down at her. Suddenly she became slightly agitated. She was moving her head. Then it hit, almost without warning: a sneeze! It seemed to me that it almost knocked off her head, and clearly she was equally distressed. Then we both sensed another one coming on. She tensed up; so did I. What could I do? She lowered her head closer to her chest and held it tightly; I'd swear she clenched her fists. The sneeze came, and in her new defensive position, it was nothing. She had learned how to sneeze, and I had watched her learn!

我在醫(yī)院抱著我的第一個(gè)女兒時(shí)，愛(ài)上了她。我的妻子有一些輕微的并發(fā)癥，護(hù)士把嬰兒遞給了我。我低頭看著她。突然她變得有點(diǎn)不安。她正在移動(dòng)她的頭。然后，幾乎沒(méi)有任何預(yù)兆，一個(gè)噴嚏來(lái)了！在我看來(lái)，這幾乎把她的頭都打掉了，顯然她也同樣感到痛苦。然后我們倆都感覺(jué)到另一個(gè)噴嚏要來(lái)了。她緊張起來(lái)；我也是。我能做什么？她把頭低得更靠近胸口，緊緊地抱著它；我敢發(fā)誓她握緊了拳頭。噴嚏來(lái)了，在她新的防御姿勢(shì)下，它什么也不是。她學(xué)會(huì)了如何打噴嚏，而我看著她學(xué)會(huì)了！

Some fathers say watching their child be born was one of the greatest experiences of their lives. For me, it was watching my little girl learn how to sneeze.

有些父親說(shuō)，看著自己的孩子出生是他們一生中最偉大的經(jīng)歷之一。對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，是看著我的小女孩學(xué)會(huì)打噴嚏。

The nurse asked me to hand the baby back to her. I was a little bit uneasy at doing this. I understood this child better than she did. She was my baby. How did I know the nurse would be sufficiently gentle? This was my love, not hers. But then the nurse put the baby down on my wife and my wife held the baby and I could see the same love between the two of them.

護(hù)士讓我把孩子還給她。我對(duì)此感到有點(diǎn)不安。我比護(hù)士更了解這個(gè)孩子。她是我的孩子。我怎么知道護(hù)士會(huì)足夠溫柔呢？這是我的愛(ài)，不是她的。但隨后護(hù)士把孩子放在我妻子身上，我妻子抱著孩子，我能看到她們之間有著同樣的愛(ài)。

Children bond to parents, but the bonding of parents to a child is just as strong, maybe stronger.

孩子會(huì)與父母建立紐帶，但父母與孩子之間的紐帶同樣牢固，甚至可能更加強(qiáng)烈。

I know parents who deny that love, and I feel deeply sorry for them. If you let your instincts loose, you discover that you have doubled your life, or (if you were deeply in love with your spouse) then at least increased it from 2 to 3 ... or more, for subsequent children. Children are the greatest joy in life (even better than physics!), and all you really have to do is let loose and go for it.

我認(rèn)識(shí)一些否認(rèn)這種愛(ài)的父母，我為他們感到深深的遺憾。如果你釋放你的本能，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)你的生命翻倍了，或者（如果你深?lèi)?ài)你的配偶）至少?gòu)?增加到3……或者更多，對(duì)于后續(xù)的孩子。孩子是生命中最大的快樂(lè)（甚至比物理還要好！），你真正需要做的就是釋放自己，去追求它。

They all talk about the exhaustion and emotions.

他們都談?wù)撝v和情感。

But none talks about how fast they grow up.

但沒(méi)有人談?wù)撍麄兂砷L(zhǎng)得有多快。

All of a sudden, they've all grown up. You are no longer their best friend, they suddenly have other friends too. You are no longer their smart mother or sister, they know things and they could do it on their own now. You are no longer needed and that's a bitter pill to swallow.

突然間，他們都長(zhǎng)大了。你不再是他們最好的朋友，他們突然有了其他朋友。你不再是他們聰明的母親或姐姐，他們現(xiàn)在知道很多事情，并且可以獨(dú)立完成。你不再被需要，這是一個(gè)難以接受的現(xiàn)實(shí)。

They all grow up and leave to college. The silence is maddening. Once, your house felt like Christmas every day. You cook and clean every day. You bake on the weekends and wash the tub. Every month you clean the ceiling fan and the attic. But now, you do it once a year. You had kids running around your house. Now, kids run around your house during the festivals marked on calendars as public holidays.

他們都長(zhǎng)大了，離開(kāi)了家去上大學(xué)。這種寂靜令人發(fā)狂。曾經(jīng)，你的房子每天都像圣誕節(jié)一樣熱鬧。你每天做飯打掃。你周末烘焙，清洗浴缸。每個(gè)月你都會(huì)清理吊扇和閣樓。但現(xiàn)在，你一年只做一次。曾經(jīng)有孩子們?cè)谀愕姆孔永锱軄?lái)跑去。現(xiàn)在，只有在日歷上標(biāo)為公共假日的節(jié)日里，才有孩子們?cè)谀愕姆孔永锱軄?lái)跑去。

You could never go out without packing a big bag of diapers, extra pieces of toddlers clothing and pacifier, milk bottles and powders. You carry some snack too. Now, you are too free. You've got all the time in the world and you've got no idea what to do with it.

你以前出門(mén)時(shí)，總要帶上一大包尿布、額外的幼兒衣物、奶嘴、奶瓶和奶粉。你還會(huì)帶些零食?，F(xiàn)在，你太自由了。你擁有世界上所有的時(shí)間，卻不知道該如何利用它。

You miss them. You miss their innocent laughter and running around. You'd trade your entire inheritance for those runny noses and supermarket tantrums. You stay awake at nights wishing you had a baby to nurse. You miss their smell of milk and pee. Their soft hand and sloppy kisses.

你想念他們。你想念他們天真的笑聲和四處奔跑的樣子。你愿意用你所有的遺產(chǎn)來(lái)?yè)Q取那些流鼻涕和在超市里的發(fā)脾氣。你夜不能寐，希望自己有一個(gè)嬰兒可以照顧。你想念他們身上的奶味和尿味。他們?nèi)彳浀氖趾蜐皲蹁醯奈恰?br />
It takes great strength to raise kids. It takes even greater strength to graciously let them go when the time comes.

養(yǎng)育孩子需要巨大的力量。當(dāng)那一刻到來(lái)時(shí)，優(yōu)雅地放手則需要更大的力量。

Edit : Dear all, thank you so much for the heartfelt comments.

編輯：親愛(ài)的大家，非常感謝你們發(fā)自?xún)?nèi)心的評(píng)論。

I wrote this from the view points of a big sister. I remember one day, coming back from school, there was a little helpless human being wrapped in a towel in the hall. It looked very cute and they said it's my sister. In the next few years, another 3 arrived in the same manner.

我是從一個(gè)大姐姐的視角寫(xiě)下這些的。我記得有一天，放學(xué)回家時(shí)，大廳里有一個(gè)裹著毛巾的小小無(wú)助的生命。她看起來(lái)非?？蓯?ài)，他們告訴我那是我的妹妹。在接下來(lái)的幾年里，另外三個(gè)也以同樣的方式來(lái)到了這個(gè)世界。

They were all the same. They were once little bundle of joy wrapped in towel. Then suddenly they sprouted hands and legs and started talking. They watched ridiculous cartoons and would bawl on the floor. And did I chose to have them ? Nope, but somehow it was also a part of my responsibility to make sure they stay alive and not crying.

他們都是一樣的。他們?cè)?jīng)是裹在毛巾里的小小歡樂(lè)。然后突然之間，他們長(zhǎng)出了手和腿，開(kāi)始說(shuō)話。他們看荒謬的卡通片，會(huì)在地板上大哭。是我選擇擁有他們嗎？不，但不知怎么的，確保他們活著并且不哭也是我責(zé)任的一部分。

Despite my poor job of caring them, they loved me very much. My sister admired me and thought I have a very good fashion sense. Her dress and way of hair followed mine. My brothers thought I was the smartest in the neighborhood. They'd exaggerate my grades and brag about it to their friends. LOL.

盡管我照顧他們的工作做得很差，但他們非常愛(ài)我。我的妹妹很崇拜我，認(rèn)為我有很好的時(shí)尚感。她的穿著和發(fā)型都模仿我。我的兄弟們認(rèn)為我是附近最聰明的人。他們會(huì)夸大我的成績(jī)，并向他們的朋友炫耀。哈哈。

They'd fight to sit next to me in the bus or theater, and would coax, compel and beg my companionship just for the trip to the nearby supermarket. Heck, they'd even sulk if I did not watch tv with them. They'd feel cheated and would complain the next day if I slip unnoticed in the middle of the movie. "You are a liar, you slept halfway through the movie !" . LOL. My presence made so much of difference.

他們會(huì)爭(zhēng)著坐在我旁邊，無(wú)論是在公交車(chē)上還是在劇院里，甚至?xí)榱巳ジ浇某卸弪_、強(qiáng)迫或懇求我陪伴。天哪，如果我不和他們一起看電視，他們甚至?xí)鷼狻Ｈ绻以陔娪爸型厩那牧镒?，第二天他們?huì)感到被欺騙并抱怨：“你是個(gè)騙子，電影看到一半就睡著了！”哈哈，我的存在對(duì)他們來(lái)說(shuō)意義重大。

All of sudden, it hit me like a wave crashing on the sea. My sister and a brother have left for college. They have Facebook accounts and use Whatsapp. Yeah, I know. One of them has a girlfriend now. Woah. They all have cool best friends, and if I am lucky, they'd remember to bring a souvenir or two from their trips with their "cool" friends.

突然間，我像被海浪拍打一樣猛然意識(shí)到。我的姐姐和哥哥已經(jīng)去上大學(xué)了。他們有Facebook賬號(hào)，也使用Whatsapp。是的，我知道。他們中的一個(gè)人現(xiàn)在有了女朋友。哇。他們都有很酷的好朋友，如果我幸運(yùn)的話，他們會(huì)記得從與“酷”朋友們的旅行中帶一兩個(gè)紀(jì)念品回來(lái)。

Children, they all grow up so fast. I promise myself, when I have a little girl one day, and if she demands I stop vacuuming the carpet to play cards with her, I'll switch off the damn vacuum and play cards with her.

孩子們，他們都長(zhǎng)得太快了。我向自己保證，如果有一天我有了一個(gè)小女孩，如果她要求我停止吸塵地毯去和她玩牌，我會(huì)關(guān)掉那該死的吸塵器，去和她玩牌。

Rita F. Martin
As a counselor/therapist of many years, one of the things that I OBSERVED when working with parents is this:

作為一名多年的咨詢(xún)師/治療師，我在與父母合作時(shí)觀察到的一件事是：

From the time a child is born until s/he leaves the nest, many (if not most) parents tend to OVER-INVEST in the child, as they UNDER-INVEST in the marriage. When the child leaves the nest, the marriage partners often face huge adjustment problems. One problem revolves around missing the child, worrying about them, etc. But a major problem involves returning to the marriage relationship, which by that time, has often all-but-died. The partners often don't even realize that they have put the children first, when it should be the other way around. At the beginning of the marriage, they focused all of their attention upon each other. But the focus changed when children came along. They often lose sight of their original reason for getting married in the first place...to love, protect, and cherish each other. But when the children leave the nest, they either find their way back and re-capture their original intent of loving and caring for each other OR they dissolve the marriage OR they just continue living together because it's convenient.

從孩子出生到他們離開(kāi)家，許多（如果不是大多數(shù)）父母往往在孩子身上過(guò)度投資，而在婚姻上卻投資不足。當(dāng)孩子離開(kāi)家時(shí)，夫妻雙方常常面臨巨大的調(diào)整問(wèn)題。其中一個(gè)問(wèn)題圍繞著對(duì)孩子的思念、擔(dān)心等。但一個(gè)主要的問(wèn)題涉及到回歸婚姻關(guān)系，而到那時(shí)，婚姻關(guān)系往往已經(jīng)幾乎消亡。夫妻雙方甚至常常沒(méi)有意識(shí)到他們把孩子放在了首位，而實(shí)際上應(yīng)該是相反的。在婚姻的初期，他們把所有的注意力都集中在彼此身上。但當(dāng)孩子到來(lái)時(shí)，焦點(diǎn)發(fā)生了變化。他們常常忘記了最初結(jié)婚的原因……去愛(ài)、保護(hù)和珍惜彼此。但當(dāng)孩子離開(kāi)家時(shí)，他們要么找到回歸的方式，重新捕捉到最初愛(ài)和關(guān)心彼此的意圖，要么選擇離婚，要么僅僅因?yàn)榉奖愣^續(xù)生活在一起。

The wisest partners figure it all out from the beginning, but many just do not. They just live "in the box", never thinking "outside the box".

最明智的伙伴從一開(kāi)始就明白一切，但許多人并不明白。他們只是生活在“盒子”里，從未想過(guò)“跳出盒子”思考。

I once heard a wise remark that went like this.....'The best thing a father can do for his children is TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER.' I think that says it all.

我曾聽(tīng)過(guò)一句睿智的話，是這樣說(shuō)的……“一個(gè)父親能為孩子做的最好的事情就是愛(ài)他們的母親?！蔽艺J(rèn)為這句話說(shuō)明了一切。

PLEASE SEE MY REPLY TO A COMMENT MADE BELOW. IT’S VERY RELEVANT TO THIS TOPIC. THANKS…

請(qǐng)查看我對(duì)下方評(píng)論的回復(fù)。它與這個(gè)話題非常相關(guān)。謝謝…

Tamara Troup
Ah, so many great answers here, brilliant answers, really.

啊，這里有很多精彩的回答，真是絕妙的回答。

No one told me that the toddler and preschool years would be like living with a messy, stoner roommate who is also really, really funny and really introspective, and maybe a little sociopathic.

沒(méi)有人告訴我，幼兒和學(xué)齡前階段就像和一個(gè)邋遢、像嗑了藥一樣的室友生活在一起，而這個(gè)室友還非常有趣、非常內(nèi)省，可能還有點(diǎn)反社會(huì)。

One minute you'll be enjoying each other's company--playing cards, watching funny cats on Youtube, just hanging out. Then you'll go to the bathroom and see toothpaste smears all over the hand towel and sink. You'll stand in the doorway and yell "Dude, you've got toothpaste everywhere, clean up after you brush your teeth." Your new roommate will come chuckling down the hall "Sorry, dude, I dropped my toothbrush after I put toothpaste on it, and I just forgot." And you'll both laugh because that's a good reason. Then the next day the same thing will happen. And the next. And the next.

前一分鐘你們還在享受彼此的陪伴——打牌、在YouTube上看搞笑貓咪視頻，或者只是閑逛。然后你會(huì)去洗手間，看到手巾和洗手池上到處都是牙膏的痕跡。你會(huì)站在門(mén)口大喊：“哥們，你弄得到處都是牙膏，刷完牙后記得清理一下?！蹦愕男率矣褧?huì)笑著從走廊走過(guò)來(lái)：“抱歉，哥們，我擠完牙膏后牙刷掉了，我忘了清理?！比缓竽銈儌z都會(huì)笑，因?yàn)檫@確實(shí)是個(gè)好理由。然后第二天同樣的事情又發(fā)生了。再下一天也是。再下一天也是。

And some days your roomie tries to weasel his way out of responsibilities, and those days just suck because there you are standing over your roommate like "Jeez, dude, just get a job, you can't freeload forever and by the way, I'm not picking up all the stuff you leave in the living room anymore and dude, you should probably stop eating on the couch because it's kinda getting gross" and you both just scowl at each other. And that makes you feel like someone's MOM which is the last thing you wanted to be doing. But seriously, you just don't want your roommate to take advantage of you and you really don't want to live in a grungy house. And also it would be great if the dude figured out how to do it himself so you didn't have to nag all the time.

有時(shí)候，你的室友會(huì)試圖逃避責(zé)任，那些日子真的很糟糕，因?yàn)槟銜?huì)站在室友面前說(shuō)：“天哪，伙計(jì)，找個(gè)工作吧，你不能一直白吃白喝，而且我不會(huì)再幫你收拾客廳里的東西了，還有，你最好別再在沙發(fā)上吃東西了，因?yàn)槟钦娴挠悬c(diǎn)惡心?！比缓竽銈儌z就互相瞪著對(duì)方。這讓你感覺(jué)自己像個(gè)媽媽?zhuān)@絕對(duì)是你最不想做的事情。但說(shuō)真的，你只是不想被室友占便宜，而且你真的不想住在一個(gè)臟亂的房子里。還有，如果這家伙能自己搞定這些事情，那你就不會(huì)總是嘮叨了，那就太好了。

You'll also have conversations that start with "Dude, how did you fall when you were just standing there?" or "Dude, what were you thinking when you drew on the wall with crayon?" or "Dude, how many times are you going to listen to that Beatles album?" or "Dude, did you seriously just touch the cat THERE?! that's so gross!"

你還會(huì)聽(tīng)到一些對(duì)話，比如：“哥們，你剛才站著怎么就摔倒了？”或者“哥們，你在墻上用蠟筆畫(huà)畫(huà)的時(shí)候在想什么？”或者“哥們，你要聽(tīng)那張披頭士的專(zhuān)輯多少次？”或者“哥們，你剛才真的摸了貓那里嗎？！太惡心了！

But it's all good.

但一切都很好。

Natalie Brownell
When I was pregnant other mothers would say to me "oh wait till you have your baby in your arms you'll know what real love is". Well I had twins naturally.

當(dāng)我懷孕時(shí)，其他媽媽會(huì)對(duì)我說(shuō)：“哦，等到你把寶寶抱在懷里時(shí)，你就會(huì)知道什么是真正的愛(ài)了?！?而我自然懷上了雙胞胎。

My son came first and was placed on my belly screaming his head off. My first thought HOLY SHIT! Then the doctor put his hand up me to feel for the 2nd twin. Took a while but my daughter eventually popped out. Silent, so taken straight to nurse for oxygen and a belly rub. She wasn't placed on me. 15mins later I had them both wrapped up in my arms. My second thought. HOLY SHIT! how the hell am I gonna deal with this. No surge of love at all. Thought there was something wrong with me. I will admit is was a good few weeks before I started to feel any love for them.

我的兒子先出生，被放在我的肚子上，哭得聲嘶力竭。我的第一個(gè)念頭是：天哪！然后醫(yī)生把手伸進(jìn)我體內(nèi)去感覺(jué)第二個(gè)雙胞胎?；艘恍r(shí)間，但我的女兒終于出來(lái)了。她安靜無(wú)聲，所以直接被護(hù)士帶去吸氧和按摩肚子。她沒(méi)有放在我身上。15分鐘后，我把他們兩個(gè)都抱在懷里。我的第二個(gè)念頭是：天哪！我到底要怎么應(yīng)付這個(gè)？完全沒(méi)有愛(ài)的涌動(dòng)。我覺(jué)得自己有什么問(wèn)題。我承認(rèn)，過(guò)了好幾周我才開(kāi)始對(duì)他們產(chǎn)生愛(ài)意。

Dulcet Aurora

甜美的極光

That you miss the child that they were as they evolve into the child that they are.

你懷念他們?cè)?jīng)的樣子，同時(shí)也接受他們成長(zhǎng)后的模樣。

I agree with User about watching them go.... but for me, that happened at least a dozen times. It still happens. Where is that 3 year old who crawled into my lap to read books and covered the driveway with sidewalk-chalk-art? Where is the 10 year old who quietly drew for hours every night? Where is the goofy 14 year old who told me hilarious stories about his day, every day? They're gone, forever.

我同意用戶(hù)關(guān)于看著他們離去的觀點(diǎn)……但對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，這種情況至少發(fā)生了十幾次。它仍然在發(fā)生。那個(gè)三歲時(shí)爬到我腿上讀書(shū)、用粉筆在車(chē)道上畫(huà)畫(huà)的孩子在哪里？那個(gè)每天晚上安靜地畫(huà)上幾個(gè)小時(shí)的十歲孩子在哪里？那個(gè)每天給我講他一天中發(fā)生的搞笑故事的十四歲傻小子在哪里？他們永遠(yuǎn)地消失了。

And on the flip side, how amazing it is when they have integrated parenting, peer relationships, and their own observations to become an adult. I sit with my son at times and am amazed that we're related. It's beyond pride; more like privilege.

另一方面，當(dāng)他們將父母的養(yǎng)育、同伴關(guān)系以及自己的觀察結(jié)合起來(lái)，最終成長(zhǎng)為成年人時(shí)，這是多么令人驚嘆。有時(shí)我和兒子坐在一起，會(huì)驚訝于我們竟然是親人。這不僅僅是驕傲，更像是一種特權(quán)。

As politically incorrect as this is to say, having children is completely different as a life experience than any other thing.

盡管這么說(shuō)在政治上不正確，但養(yǎng)育孩子作為一種人生體驗(yàn)，與任何其他事情都完全不同。

It is definitely NOT for everyone. And if you don't parent whether by choice or sad circumstance, you are not less of a person: people have widely different life experiences -- that's what diversity actually is. But it's not the same thing as parenting experience -- it just isn't. Those non-parents who have the closest experience to parenting are youth ministers and teachers. When you love and guide and are responsible for children's safety for large parts of the day, it's the most similar to parenting.

這絕對(duì)不適合每個(gè)人。如果你不選擇成為父母，或者因?yàn)椴恍业那闆r而沒(méi)有成為父母，你并不比別人差：人們有著廣泛不同的生活經(jīng)歷——這就是多樣性的真正含義。但這與為人父母的經(jīng)歷不同——它確實(shí)不同。那些與為人父母經(jīng)歷最接近的非父母者是青年牧師和教師。當(dāng)你一天中大部分時(shí)間都在關(guān)愛(ài)、指導(dǎo)并負(fù)責(zé)孩子們的安全時(shí)，這與為人父母的經(jīng)歷最為相似。

Teachers/aunties/community leaders etc. get kudos and appreciation (greatly deserved!) for GOOD teaching and personal guidance, but they aren't held responsible for the happiness and wellbeing of an individual child in the way a parent is; they don’t make major life decisions based on their children’s wellbeing, for example. So, while it's closer than anything else, it’s not the same experience.

教師/阿姨/社區(qū)領(lǐng)袖等因良好的教學(xué)和個(gè)人指導(dǎo)而獲得贊譽(yù)和贊賞（這是他們應(yīng)得的！），但他們不像父母那樣對(duì)個(gè)別孩子的幸福和福祉負(fù)責(zé)；例如，他們不會(huì)基于孩子的福祉做出重大人生決策。因此，雖然這比其他任何關(guān)系都更接近，但并不是相同的體驗(yàn)。

Kim Tracey Konash
I have 8 children - 4 girls and 4 boys - and yes, they are all mine. Once this round of rather close birthdays completes, they will be 26, 22, 20, 18, 16, 14, 5, and 3. also have 3 grandchildren, so I have been doing this for over half of my life, and I have heard most things by now. In fact I have probably heard both sides of most things. But I will share a couple that I don't believe I have heard anyone else say.

我有8個(gè)孩子——4個(gè)女孩和4個(gè)男孩——是的，他們都是我的。這一輪相當(dāng)接近的生日過(guò)后，他們將分別是26歲、22歲、20歲、18歲、16歲、14歲、5歲和3歲。我還有3個(gè)孫子，所以我這一生中有一半以上的時(shí)間都在做這件事，而且我已經(jīng)聽(tīng)過(guò)大多數(shù)事情了。事實(shí)上，我可能已經(jīng)聽(tīng)過(guò)大多數(shù)事情的兩面。但我會(huì)分享幾個(gè)我認(rèn)為沒(méi)有聽(tīng)別人說(shuō)過(guò)的事情。

First, no one told me about the strong thread of animosity that exists towards people (and most especially mothers) of many. Having a big family is challenging and demanding but it is also rewarding. And there are some who agree with that. But they are becoming fewer (and usually older) in number. I have at times been shocked and taken aback by the intensity of the angst over this issue. The mentality that I am almost single handedly destroying the planet for other people's 1.2 children is particularly hostile. The irony is that this stance is often a characteristic of people who, usually very loudly, demand that those with a politically incorrect position on issues like abortion or gay marriage 'stay out of other people's bedrooms'. Aside from my belief in God who said that children are a blessing from Him, about 20 years ago I did the math and discovered that the assertion that the world's population would fit inside the state of Texas with about 1,000 s.f. per person is exactly right. So much for the overpopulation theory and that my 8 children significantly contribute to it...

首先，沒(méi)有人告訴我，對(duì)于擁有大家庭的人（尤其是母親）存在強(qiáng)烈的敵意。擁有一個(gè)大家庭是充滿(mǎn)挑戰(zhàn)和要求的，但也是有益的。有些人同意這一點(diǎn)，但他們的數(shù)量正在減少（通常是年紀(jì)較大的人）。有時(shí)，我對(duì)這個(gè)問(wèn)題的強(qiáng)烈焦慮感到震驚和驚訝。那種認(rèn)為我?guī)缀跏窃趩畏矫鏋槠渌说?.2個(gè)孩子破壞地球的心態(tài)尤其充滿(mǎn)敵意。諷刺的是，這種立場(chǎng)通常是那些經(jīng)常大聲要求那些在墮胎或同性婚姻等問(wèn)題上持政治不正確立場(chǎng)的人“不要干涉別人的臥室”的人的特征。除了我相信上帝說(shuō)孩子是祂的祝福之外，大約20年前，我做了計(jì)算，發(fā)現(xiàn)世界人口可以容納在德克薩斯州，每人約1000平方英尺的說(shuō)法是完全正確的。所以，關(guān)于人口過(guò)剩的理論以及我的8個(gè)孩子對(duì)此的顯著貢獻(xiàn)...

Another thing is that there is never any such thing as having seen and heard it all when it comes to having children. No matter how many you have, they are all unique individuals who will make you laugh, cry, and get frustrated, and will become a part of your world that you cannot imagine living without, and in ways you couldn't have imagined. It isn't just the first two or three that will do this; all of them will.

另一件事是，在養(yǎng)育孩子方面，永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)有“見(jiàn)多識(shí)廣”這回事。無(wú)論你有多少個(gè)孩子，他們都是獨(dú)特的個(gè)體，會(huì)讓你笑、讓你哭、讓你感到沮喪，并成為你生活中不可或缺的一部分，而且是以你無(wú)法想象的方式。不僅僅是前兩三個(gè)孩子會(huì)這樣，所有的孩子都會(huì)。

Finally, no one warned me that, while extended family can be wonderful, helpful, and supportive, they can also be hurtful and even harmful, even to your children. There are some that believe they have a right to tell you how to raise your children, will undermine your authority with them, and will even try to have them forcibly removed from you. It is very difficult at times to recognize those you cannot or should not trust. Be wise as a serpent, harmless as a dove.

最后，沒(méi)有人警告我，雖然大家庭可以很美好、有幫助和支持，但他們也可能有害，甚至對(duì)你的孩子造成傷害。有些人認(rèn)為他們有權(quán)告訴你如何撫養(yǎng)你的孩子，會(huì)削弱你對(duì)孩子的權(quán)威，甚至?xí)噲D強(qiáng)行將孩子從你身邊帶走。有時(shí)候很難識(shí)別那些你不能或不應(yīng)該信任的人。要像蛇一樣聰明，像鴿子一樣無(wú)害。

Being a parent is the real 'toughest job you will ever love.'

為人父母是真正的‘你將會(huì)愛(ài)上的最艱難的工作’。

Leah Sloane Petersen
The thing that hit me upside the head about parenting is that, no matter what you think, no matter what you plan, want, strive for, bleed for, cry over, you are not entering a situation in which you have a whole lot of control.

關(guān)于為人父母，讓我猛然醒悟的是，無(wú)論你怎么想，無(wú)論你如何計(jì)劃、期望、努力、為之流血、為之哭泣，你都不是進(jìn)入一個(gè)你能掌控的局面。

With my first, I thought I was a great parent. He slept all the time, ate well, was easygoing and agreeable. I had this parenting thing DOWN!

有了第一個(gè)孩子后，我以為自己是個(gè)了不起的家長(zhǎng)。他總是睡覺(jué)，吃得很好，性格隨和，容易相處。我覺(jué)得自己已經(jīng)完全掌握了育兒之道！

Enter my second. That child knew from the moment she was born what she did and did not want (translate that to a person with exactly 10 minutes life experience) and she'd be DAMNED if she was going to do anything other than what she good and well wanted to. All my notions of my superior parenting went out the window as I struggled through the early years of just keeping her alive and me sane.

進(jìn)入我的第二點(diǎn)。那個(gè)孩子從出生的那一刻起就知道自己想要什么和不想要什么（翻譯給一個(gè)只有10分鐘生命經(jīng)驗(yàn)的人），如果她要做的事情不是她真心想要的，她就會(huì)非常憤怒。我所有關(guān)于自己優(yōu)越育兒的觀念都在我努力度過(guò)那些僅僅為了讓她活著并保持自己理智的早年時(shí)光中煙消云散了。

The subsequent twelve years have been a variation on that theme, changing and growing as we all grew older and learned from each other. I'm still the parent and the ultimate authority, but trying to pretend I'm not doing this with the cooperation of the two people I'm parenting (one of whom can literally bench press me now) would be lunacy and singularly ineffective.

隨后的十二年里，這一主題不斷變化和發(fā)展，隨著我們所有人逐漸變老并互相學(xué)習(xí)。我仍然是父母和最終權(quán)威，但如果假裝我不是在與我養(yǎng)育的兩個(gè)人（其中一個(gè)現(xiàn)在真的可以臥推我）的合作下做這件事，那將是瘋狂且完全無(wú)效的。

TL;DR: You're parenting people, not things. This will be a relationship with give and take, like every other.

簡(jiǎn)而言之：你是在養(yǎng)育人，而不是物品。這將是一種有來(lái)有往的關(guān)系，就像其他所有關(guān)系一樣。

Nathan Doromal
My wife and I have a 10 month old daughter. Here are some things I learned during the past year.

我和我的妻子有一個(gè)10個(gè)月大的女兒。以下是我在過(guò)去一年中學(xué)到的一些事情。

First, nothing prepares you for how hard it's going to be.

首先，沒(méi)有什么能讓你為即將面對(duì)的困難做好準(zhǔn)備。

Sure your brother, sister, best friend, or whomever says it's hard. But you have absolutely no idea until you are there.

當(dāng)然，你的兄弟、姐妹、最好的朋友或任何人都會(huì)說(shuō)這很難。但直到你真正身處其中，你才會(huì)完全理解。

Yes I'm sure you can imagine sleepless nights, changing diapers, giving up all sorts of things you used to like to do, arguing with your spouse over who does what, all the worries over keeping this little thing alive, etc.

是的，我確信你能想象到那些不眠之夜、換尿布、放棄你曾經(jīng)喜歡做的各種事情、與配偶爭(zhēng)論誰(shuí)該做什么、以及所有關(guān)于讓這個(gè)小生命活下去的擔(dān)憂等等。

No matter how mature you think you are or how many books you have read, you aren't ever really prepared for it.

無(wú)論你認(rèn)為自己多么成熟，或者讀過(guò)多少本書(shū)，你都不會(huì)真正為此做好準(zhǔn)備。

After I actually went through it, I felt like I was part of an inner club, made of those people who have had some sort of special experience.

當(dāng)我真正經(jīng)歷過(guò)之后，我感覺(jué)自己成為了一個(gè)內(nèi)部俱樂(lè)部的一員，這個(gè)俱樂(lè)部由那些有過(guò)某種特殊經(jīng)歷的人組成。

Second, there is no human experience like raising a child.

其次，沒(méi)有什么人類(lèi)體驗(yàn)?zāi)鼙鹊蒙蠐狃B(yǎng)一個(gè)孩子。

Trust me I've been around the world, seen and done more wondrous crap than most people do in three lifetimes. Nothing is quite like having a child.

相信我，我已經(jīng)環(huán)游世界，見(jiàn)過(guò)和做過(guò)比大多數(shù)人三輩子還要多的奇妙事情。沒(méi)有什么比擁有一個(gè)孩子更特別的了。

Third, you discover the world for a second time through the eyes of your child.

第三，你通過(guò)孩子的眼睛第二次發(fā)現(xiàn)這個(gè)世界。

Your child discovers the world and you discover it along with her in a brand new light. Things that were around you that you have taken for granted become suddenly brand new. The mundane becomes magical.

你的孩子探索世界，而你則以全新的視角與她一同發(fā)現(xiàn)。那些你曾經(jīng)習(xí)以為常的事物突然變得煥然一新。平凡的事物變得神奇。

It's the closest I have come to living another lifetime in this same life.

這是我在這一生中最接近體驗(yàn)另一種人生的時(shí)刻。